Thinking about Communication...

Actually, thinking about family traditions on Christmas days. And thinking about what makes a person feel comfortable among others and enjoy the conversations. When I first met my husband's family I was rather shy. The way they made me feel comfortable on family celebrations was first of all, being curious and asking questions. Every person has something to tell and wants to feel special. And secondly, each time we would meet they would remember the last time we met and the funny things that happened that day that I did or said.

Therefore, when you make a party or organize an event and gather people around you, to make them feel comfortable, relaxed and "wanted" you have to 1. introduce each one of them trying to remember their main achievements,the little fun non-insulting stories to smile about and finally some special interests, skills and activities that might connect this person to some other guests. 2. It is also important to pay attention to each person by asking questions and letting them a) either summarize all the happenings in their life while you were not seeing each other or b) digging more into their background, how they've met their partner, got the job, overcame some challenges etc. In comparison to simple small talk about weather and gossip about the party those strategies bring you closer to the person you have a conversation with, help you gain trust and provide you with new material for the following interactions.

Nevertheless, talking about yourself is a major element of interaction with others, that help  listeners "get a peek" into your world to be able to judge whether or not they like you and want to be friends with you. Obviously some chemistry works and some just doesn't. By opening up, telling your opinions and giving (some major) insights into your life you take a stand and bring more clarity into who you really are instead of remaining a UFO shell. I know many introverted individuals including myself who have troubles talking about themselves. For example sister Kim in the show Real Housewives of of Beverly Hills who is simply shy and quite uncomfortable around others, "hiding in her shell", therefore being instantly misunderstood and labeled as "weird" (especially by Taylor with the opposite personality). Kim and Taylor could never be friends simply because their characters (and I bet horoscope signs) don't match. But they could understand this fact and also each other much better if they would take time so that Kim could talk about herself and Taylor would actually listen. Kim would show who she is, Taylor, would understand and make a conclusion of no trying to become friends and they could regulate and limit their communication to a friendly small talk each time they see each other (instead of fights and insults).

2010/12/14: General Thoughts: PERSONALITY

I think the toughest task for a person in this life is to find out and to know WHO he/she is. Most people think they know who they are, but sooner or later they have to find out that they were at least partially wrong about themselves.

Your personality is determined by Genes, by Environment you were born into and grew up in and by your Experiences throughout the life.

GENES: It is helpful to know more about your relatives and ancestors, about the paths they chose in their life and how it turned out, about their strengths and weaknesses. Lots of family traits you might now see now might be showing up later on, family traits might cross over 1 or 2 generations to get to you. My brother got a lot of traits from my Great-Great-Grandpa and not much from my parents, while I see a lot of my Dad and Mom in me.

ENVIRONMENT: this is where I count astrological constellations into (Horoscope signs: Zodiac, Chinese, Druiden etc.) as well as Family Unit (including rules, traditions and rituals within the family, way of raising children, parent's personalities, other closer relatives etc.) and finally other Social Units that have effect on who we become (school, other organizations, friends and their homes etc.).

EXPERIENCES: we live and we learn. Everything what emotionally touches us in a good or a bad way automatically (and for us unwillingly) teaches us something. In Scientology it is rightfully called "Reactive Mind" (and I am NOT a Scientologist), because our mind reacts to the outside world in a way that we begin to change and to adopt in one way or another.

More in a later post....